Book Review: The Let Them Theory

I Read The Let Them Theory— Here’s What Stood Out

Over the past few weeks, Mel Robbins’ latest book, The Let Them Theory (TLTT), has been everywhere. Even Oprah interviewed Robbins and told her TLTT was what she had been looking for her whole life. Coming from Oprah, that really said something—so my interest was piqued.

I had seen clips of Mel Robbins on social media and heard her on various podcasts discussing TLTT, along with her past bestsellers, The High 5 Habit and The 5 Second Rule. In a couple of those podcast episodes, some of what she said had a karma-minded, manifesting tone that made me pause. I noticed myself filtering her words through a more cautious lens, wondering if they aligned with my beliefs. But I reminded myself that it’s okay to explore different perspectives without feeling threatened. Consider what’s helpful; set aside what’s not aligned in my values. I was curious to see what all the hype was about, so I started listening to the book.

At its core, TLTT is about one simple truth: you cannot control other adults. The book explores how much stress in relationships comes from our attempts to control others—whether consciously or subconsciously. The theory goes like this:

If someone does or says something that bothers you, let them. Friends don’t invite you on a beach trip? Let them. Your spouse won’t take charge of their health even though they constantly complain? Let them. Your mother-in-law makes passive-aggressive remarks about your parenting? Let her.

According to Robbins, this posture reinforces the reality that you cannot control other people’s words or actions. Repeating let them to yourself helps your mind accept this truth.

But there’s another step: after saying let them, you follow it with let me. This is the action step. Let me can take many forms, but ultimately, it’s about taking ownership of how you respond.

As I listened, I found myself thinking, This is basic boundary work—just packaged differently. Everything she discusses in TLTT is something you’d learn in your first year of therapy. That said, Robbins’ delivery is direct and motivating. I thoroughly enjoyed listening and felt inspired to keep pursuing the things I want in my life. There are several no one is coming to save you moments, which many people need to hear, myself included!

Now, the therapist in me knows that not everyone will be able to implement this easily. Those who live in a highly anxious state or have deeply enmeshed relationships may struggle with TLTT. Letting go of control isn’t as simple as Robbins makes it sound—it often requires deeper, focused work before it feels natural.

To her credit, Robbins does acknowledge that let me sometimes means having hard conversations for the sake of a relationship’s health. I appreciated this because, as a believer in Jesus, I was also asking, What about situations that require asking for or extending forgiveness? TLTT is a fantastic tool for managing everyday annoyances, but it doesn’t necessarily address more complex relational healing.

Our nervous systems are wired by years of experience, and simply repeating a phrase won’t rewire them overnight. As you begin to implement TLTT, pay attention to how it feels. Do you still find yourself ruminating? Is the anxiety lingering? Are you withdrawing from the person who hurt you? Take note of these reactions. They might be signaling deeper work that needs to be done alongside practicing let them.

I particularly enjoyed her chapters on adult friendships and romantic relationships—though it’s clear she’s speaking to a secular audience. Similar to Boundaries, this book is a solid read for people stepping into adulthood or those in middle adulthood who need a fresh perspective on personal responsibility and emotional freedom. It really helped me further put to death fearing the opinion of others (noticed I said further, not finally). 🙂

Reading this book led me to reflect more on the relationship between personal responsibility—particularly in pursuing my hopes and dreams—and surrendering to God’s direction (or, as it’s often phrased, submitting to His will). But I’m not even sure if balance is the right word here. Lately, I’ve been leaning toward this: Pursue your hopes and dreams while surrendering to God daily. I have no idea if that’s the “right” way to put it, but it’s where I currently find myself.

For a long time, I operated under the belief that God was supposed to tell me exactly which school to attend, which career to choose, and which person to marry (ha!). That mindset brought me a lot of anxiety and, at times, paralyzed me when making big decisions—even small ones. Rather than trusting myself, I wanted someone else, namely God, to tell me exactly what to do.

Lately, as I’ve processed this more, I’ve realized how that way of thinking can quickly turn into a me-centered, works-based mindset—and even slip into prosperity gospel thinking. The underlying thought loop sounded something like: I have to make the right decisions to stay in God’s will, so I don’t mess up my life… because if I get off track, my life won’t be good or enjoyable.

But Scripture is clear about what God calls us to: Love Him. Love others. Be transformed into the image of Christ (see: the fruit of the Spirit). And within that, there is so much creativity and variety! What I’m sitting with now is this: God has already given me gifts, skills, passions, people, and a mind capable of making choices. Maybe creating a life I love—one that utilizes my passions, interests, and skills while displaying the love of Christ—is what brings Him glory. Maybe how I spend my life isn’t a mystery to discover but rather a journey I co-create with God and those around me.

I recently listened to a sermon by Jen Wilkin at Dallas Theological Seminary’ chapel, where she said: “God is more concerned with the decision-maker than the decision.” A simple but powerful reminder that, ultimately, it always comes down to the heart.

Now, you might be thinking, Bethany, are you having a slightly early midlife crisis? I don’t think so, ha! I truly love my career and am incredibly grateful for what I have. But, like many people, I also have dreams that haven’t come to pass yet and new things I’ve always wanted to pursue. Reading The Let Them Theory reminded me that life isn’t rigid—you can explore new things (hobbies, friendships, careers) at any point.

So, yeah. All of that came from reading The Let Them Theory, ha! And honestly, this is just the tip of the iceberg—I now have even more thoughts from writing this. Stay tuned! 😀

I’d recommend giving it a read (or a listen) and seeing what stands out to you. Books like this have a way of surfacing thoughts and questions that have been quietly brewing in the background of our minds. They invite curiosity, and that’s something I’ll always be a fan of.